Top 55 Funny Minion Quotes You Need to Read and Funny inspirational quotes “Starting today… I need to forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what’s coming next.”
Here are the best funny minion quotes ever! Everyone loves minions and these hilarious minion quotes will put a smile on your face! So what is better than minions with a funny attitude? Here we have 55 funny minion quotes all with a fun and sarcastic
#1. “Love me and I’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me and I’ll drop those mountains on your head.”
#2. “Don’t piss me off. I will stop taking my pills, and nobody wants that-do they?”
#3. “When you really want to slap someone, do it and say “mosquito””
#4. “My therapist told me: the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of m&ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already.”
#5. “Seniors texting code: atd: at the doctors bff: best friend fell, btw: bring the wheelchair, byot: bring your own teeth, fwiw: forgot where I was, ggpbl: gotta go pacemaker battery low, c gha: got heartburn again, imho: is my hearing-aid on, lmdo: laughing my dentures out, ommr: on my message recliner, omsg: oh my! Sorry, gas, roflacgu: rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up ttyl: talk to you louder.”
#6. “It’s been a rough week 3 but on a positive note… I didn’t need any bail money and didn’t have to hide any bodies.”
#7. “If a bra is an “over the shoulder boulder holder” then what would you call the men’s underwear? Under the butt nut hut?”
#8. “People are so ungrateful. G no one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.”
#9. “Don’t scare me, I poop easily.”
#10. “If I died I want my friends to keep updating my status to freak people out.”
#11. “How to win any argument 1. Be a woman 2. That’s it 3. You win 4.congratulations”
#12. “My favorite part of cooking dinner is when the delivery guy shows up.”
#13. “My doctor asked me if I had ever had a stress test? Yes – I replied it’s called life”
#14. “Do you ever listen to a story and think lie, lie, lie, lie, lie!”
#15. “The problem with some people… Is that they exist”
Further reading: 79 Great Inspirational & Motivational Quotes With Images To Inspire
#16. “Does anybody else have a voice in their head that repeats, “slap the idiot, slap the idiot!” No? Just me? Hmm… Odd”
#17. “The only exercise some people get is running their mouth, jumping to conclusions & pushing their luck!”
#18. “Life isn’t always a bed of roses. You do have to keep an eye out for the pricks!”
#19. “A best friend is someone who when you show up at their door with a dead body they say nothing, grab a shovel and follow you.”
Amazing Good Morning Quotes and Wishes with Beautiful Images
#20. “Don’t mind me, I’m just returning your nose. I found it in my business again.”
#21. “Some people are just like trees… Hey take forever to grow up!”
#22. “They say don’t try this at home… So I’m going to go to my friends house and try it.”
#23. “I turned my phone on ” airplane mode” and threw it into the air. Worst transformer ever”
Funny Minion Quotes
#24. “They’re called ‘man hours’ because a woman would have that shit done in 20 minutes! Alright… Who pushed the fast forward button on my weekend?”
#25. “Alright… Who pushed the fast-forward button on my weekend?”
#26. “I hate that moment when you’re tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed, your body is like just kidding..”
#27. “I’m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago… 0%”
#28. “R.i.p cleaning fairy just found my cleaning fairy dead under my bed. She was strangled to death by the dust bunnies.”
#29. Minions
#30. “I’m a nillionaire! I have little to no money.”
Funny Minion Quotes
#31. “Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died. And yes, it was tragic.”
Further Reading: 38 Short Inspirational Quotes And Motivational Images
#32. “Never sing in the shower singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked so remember don’t sin’sicontrol minions”
#33. I Minions.
#34. “One day youtube, twitter and facebok will join together and be called… You twitface”
#35. “Don’t give me your attitude unless you want mine!!”
#36. “Every time I lose some weight I find it again in the refrigerator.”
#37. “Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.”
#38. “Disease: idiotitis causes the brain shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands affected. Might be contagious. Best defense: slap and run”
Further Reading: 59 Great Motivational & Inspirational Quotes With Images To Inspire
#39. “My diet plan: make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!”
#40. “I have decided to cut back on being sarcastic. I solemnly swear to only be sarcastic on days that begin with t like… Tuesday, Thursday, today, & tomorrow.”
#41. “If you see me talking to myself, don’t be alarmed. I’m getting expert advice”
#42. “Life is not a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos: what you do today can burn your ass tomorrow!”
#43. “Dear haters, I couldn’t help but notice that ‘awesome’ ends with ‘me’ and ‘ugly’ starts with ‘u’.”
Further Reading: 30 Relationship Quotes to Reignite Your Love
#44. “Hurt me and you’re going to feel pain. Hurt my best friend and you’re going to need an ambulance. Hurt my family. I’m going to need a shovel.”
#45. “I don’t care what you earn, where you live, what you drive, whether you’re fat or thin, tall or short, beautiful or average, rich or poor, smart or not. If you’re my friend, you’re my friend. I accept you for who you are, and that’s all that matters.”
#46. “Note to self: it is illegal to stab people for being stupid.”
Further Reading: 57 Inspirational Quotes That Will Change Your Life
#47. “Where does all my money go?? It’s like, hocus pocus I’m brokus.”
#48. “I think my iphone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.”
#49. “Don’t text me while I’m in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my whole text..”
#50. “I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out my mouth.”
#51. “I was told to check my attitude… I did… It’s still there… It’s not gone anywhere, what’s the problem?”
#52. “Go to walmart and scream “hey stupid” see how many people look up!”
#53. “The human body is made up of over 60% water that means I’m not fat, I’m just flooded!”
#54. “The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn’t even apply for a job there.”
#55. “If sleep is good for the brain, why is it not allowed in school?”
