Funniest Dad Jokes: Everyone can laugh at the corniest and funniest dad jokes of all time, regardless of whether they have kids or not. Is there any other form of humor that can match the joy a good dad joke brings you? That isn’t our viewpoint. because dad jokes differ from other jokes. They are complex and challenging to comprehend. They are funny because they are so ridiculously uncool that you can’t decide whether to laugh or frown when you see them.
A dad joke is so corny that you pretty much need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee mug with the words “World’s Best Father” on it in order to find it humorous. You heard it here first. Yes, that is a dad joke in its purest form. Unless you’re referring to the collection of tried-and-true dad jokes that we’ve put together right here, of course. Enjoy reading on and remember to send these to the father figure in your life who you are honoring on Father’s Day. He will be ecstatic to hear that you have finally started to like his sense of humor.
Funniest Dad Jokes
“I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.”
“Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.”
“What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!”
“Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!”
“My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.”
“Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it!”
“I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.”
“What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!”
“Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!”
“When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.”
“After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.”
“Why couldn’t the astronaut land on the moon? Because it was full.”
“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put some boogie in it!”
“Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn’t stop telling jokes? It was on a roll.”
“I’ve been bored recently so I’ve decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.”
“What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.”
“A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.””
“I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help!”
“My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down!”
“How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.”
“I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!”
“Can February march? No, but April may!”
“I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.”
“I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She’s a real mathamachicken!”
“What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.”
“What did the ocean say to the beach?’ Nothing, it just waved.”
“What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A slipper!”
“Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!”
“What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!”
“St. Francis worked at Krispy Kreme. He was a deep friar.”
“What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.”
“What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!”
“Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals.”
“Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!”
“What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got tiny legs!”
“To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!”
“In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble. In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.”
“How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.”
“A Vicks VapoRub truck overturned on the highway this morning. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!”
“Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!”
“What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!”
“Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.””
“What do scholars eat when they’re hungry? Academia nuts.”
“Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why? Inflation.”
“I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!”
“What does the cell say to his sister when she steps on his toe? “Oh my toe sis!””
“I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.”
“I accidentally dropped my pillow on the floor. I think it has a concushion.”
“What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!”
“What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.”
“What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.”
“My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watch dogs!”
“I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.”
“Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”
“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!”
“What do Santa’s elves listen to ask they work? Wrap music!”
“What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto!”
“What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.”
“Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.”
“Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!”
“What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!”
“I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.”
“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!”
“How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!”
“The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this!”
“Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.”
“Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.”
“I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.”
“What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!”
“I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, “Mark, my words!””
“How do you tell the difference between a bull and a milk cow? It is either one or the utter.”
“My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.”
“I thought about going on an all-almond diet… But that’s just nuts!”
“Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn’t press your luck.”
“I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!”
“When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, “No, I’d rather drink it out of the carton!””
“So a vowel saves another vowel’s life. The other vowel says, “Aye E! I owe you!””
“Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.”
“Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?””
