40 Fun Minion Quotes Of The Week

Here are the best funny minion quotes that will charm and delight you ever! Despicable me funny, minion humor, minion top, hilarious, funny Thursday quotes.

1. “Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that pissed you off in the first place?”

2. “I might be crazy but you are stupid and medicine doesn’t fix that.”

3. “When your sibling is suddenly nice to you… And you’re like “Who are you?!”

4. “No, I didn’t say you were stupid. I said you are stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.”

5. “He asked why the house isn’t clean since I’m home all day I asked why we aren’t rich since he works all day”

6. “Lies I tell myself: just 1 more episode, just 1 more page, just 1 more piece just 5 more minutes”

7. “Can I ask 1 question? But you just did. Haha ok, can I ask 2? You already did. Ok, can I ask 4 questions? You just did again… when? Now!”

8. “If you’re ugly, but have pretty eyes… this is your chance!!!”

9. “I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn’t want to cooperate!”

10. “I am multi-talented! I can talk, annoy and irritate you all at the same time!”

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11. “You’re so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous”

12. “I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.”

13. “Never argue with children A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Imitated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” the little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

14. “Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is a salad.”

15. “Exercise? I thought you said “Extra fries”

16. “After Tuesday, even the calendar goes WTF”

17. “Don’t text me while I’m in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my whole text…”

18. “I wonder how cops on bikes arrest people? “Alright now get in the basket.”

19. “That awkward moment when you still can’t understand someone after they have repeated themselves about five times.”

20. “Me… Jog??? Pffffft… If you see me running. You better run too cuz there’s something chasing me!”

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21. “Going on YouTube just to watch a quick music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe.”

22. “The first testicular guard, the “Cup”, was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies…… Quit laughing.”

23. “Doing homework at 4:00 AM that’s me!!”

24. “Every day I arrive at work with good intentions and a great attitude… Then idiots happen.”

25. “I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: “Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot.”

26. “Here is your nose I found it in my business.”

27. “They say don’t try this at home… so I’m going to go to my friend’s house and try it.”

28. “People say everything happens for a reason so when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason”

29. “At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.”

30. “People are created to be loved. Things are created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is that things are being loved and people are being used.”

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31. “Dear sleep, I’m sorry I hated you when I was a young kid. Right now I love you very much and I cherish every moment with you.”

32. “I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid and others I would love to punch in the face.”

33. “I’m gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year and when they arrive I’ll say I ordered this a year ago, lol”

34. “It takes real skill to choke on air, fall up stairs and trip over completely nothing. I have that skill..”

35. “The hardest part of my job is.. Being nice to stupid people.”

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“You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.” — Chuck Palahniuk

“At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.” — Chuck Palahniuk

“You know how both life and porno movies end. The only difference is life starts with the orgasm.” — Chuck Palahniuk

“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it” — Omar Khayyám

“Son, are you happy? I don’t mean to pry, but do you dream of Heaven? Have you ever wanted to die?” — Tim Burton

“if youre never scared, or embarased, or hurt, it means you never take any chances.” — Julia Sorel

“I assumed that everything would lead to complete failure, but I decided that didn’t matter – that would be my life.” — Jasper Johns

“I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it sis my duty … This is my highest and best use as a human.” — Ben Stein

Here are 40 Very funny Minion Quotes and Funny images ! We hope you will love them, See more ideas about Funny, Minions funny, Funny minion quotes.