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42 Funny Jokes Minions Quotes With Images | Funny Text Messages

Everyone loves minions and these hilarious minion quotes will put a smile on your face. We hope you will love them. See more ideas about Minions quotes, Minions, Minions memes, Minions images. Here are 45 Very funny Minion Quotes and Funny images!

42 Funny Jokes Minions Quotes With Images Funny Text Messages 1

1. “Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.”

2. “Heck, yes I’m short god only lets things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn’t take as long as others.”

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3. “Don’t you hate it when you put something in a safe place so you don’t lose it… Then freakin forget where that safe place is!”

4. “I have P.M.A (Positive Mental Attitude) I’m positive I’m mental & I know I have attitude..”

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5. “Some people are just like trees. They take forever to grow up.”

6. “I wouldn’t have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity…”

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7. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

8. “Some people suck the nice right out of you!”

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9. “Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday I blinked Monday”

10. “Good morning! I’m up r u?”

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11. “When I get a headache. I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle!”

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12. “My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.”

13. “I’m shy at first but… I do the stupidest random shit when I get comfortable with someone.”

14. “Every morning I wake up, I am blessed. No matter how much drama is in my life or how much pain my body may be in, I know god is watching over me.”

15. “Someone just called me normal…. I have never been so insulted in my entire life!”

16. “Most of the time…. When you’re crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time…. When you are hurt, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time…. When you are happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time….”

17. “Lord. Please give me patience because if you give me strength, I’ll need bail money too..”

18. “Challenge only a genius can say these four words, four times really fast without getting tongue twisted. Eye, yam, stew, peed”

19. “As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.”

20. “How to make sure you’re a normal person? 1) You have Facebook 2) You have a cell phone 4) You’re wasting your time reading this 5) You didn’t notice there is no number 3 7) You just checked to see of there is no number 3 8) Where is number 6, idiot? 9) You’re now smiling because you know you’re an idiot 10) Where is number 1?? 11) You believed me and went to check! 12) You’re not normal at all.”

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21. “Welcome to my mind… Please fasten your seat belt and keep your arms and legs in at all times. Don’t feeds the animals, drink the water or talk to the voices. Enjoy the ride!”

22. “I’m currently making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you’re one of them.”

23. “I wish there was a way to donate fat like you can donate blood.”

24. “Things to do: 1: Dig a hole 2: Name it love 3: Watch people fall in love.”

25. “Admit it you pushed a door that says pull”

26. “Hey autocorrect, quit tampering with my curse words, you mother forklift!”

27. “If you could read my mind you’d back away slowly then run for you life!”

28. “If a woman speaks and no one is listening, her name is probably mom.”

29. “I’m responsible for what I say, not for how you interpret it.”

30. “People need a stamp on their forehead that says “Do not reproduce””

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31. “ “Can I help you?” “No. I just waited in line for 30 minutes to say Hi””

32. “I don’t like to call it revenge… returning the favor sounds nicer.”

33. “Old people at weddings always poke me and say: “You are next.” So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.”

34. “On the day I was born angels looked into my cozy little crib, gazed upon my cherubic face & declared ‘this one is going to be trouble.’”

35. “I love ordering things online because when they arrive, it’s like a present from me to me..”

36. “Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.”

37. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then you walk in to a pole”

38. “Hillbilly motorcycle Cow-A-Socky”

39. “People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean don’t they have thoughts?”

40. “Always be positive. * Trips down the stairs.* Me: “Whew, I got down those stairs fast!””

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41. “That amazing moment when you hear a song you haven’t heard in years and you still know every word.”

42. “I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and then find out it was made in China.”

43. “ “Let’s watch a scary movie” *Hours Later* “Dude walk me to the bathroom..””

44. “Just a woman? Oh, hell no! I am a big cup of wonderful, covered in awesome sauce, with a splash of bitch, and a dash of crazy. You are sure to remember that!”

45. “I try to wear my angel wings every day. But sometimes I’d like to take them off and beat somebody with them!”

46. “When I’m quiet, those that don’t know me to look at me and think I’m shy. People who know me think: OMG! She’s thinking! Everyone run for your life!”

47. “I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say: “Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot.””

48. “I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out!”

49. “Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it “Selective participation”

50. “Don’t annoy me this week, because if you do. I will give your number to all the kids and tell them it’s Santa’s Hotline.”

51. “Even duct tape can’t fix stupid but it can muffle the sound” Fsa

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